I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
