i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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