Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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