I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
