my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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