The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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