I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
