the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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