that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
