He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
