dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
