I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
