babies were throwing up all over the place
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
