plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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