They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I cut my penus on the lid.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
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I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night