Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
