I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???