He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day