Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
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she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
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Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.