Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
