so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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