All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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