she woke up with a sticky ear
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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