Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
