You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
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He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
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When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"