4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
