Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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