they need to just BURY HIM!
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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