I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
