Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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