How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
