physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
