I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
