I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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