Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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