i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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