It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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