their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
i believe in u and ur pee
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
