he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
