Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
