New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
