you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
