So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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