My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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