I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
sarcasm needs its own font
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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