Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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