Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
