Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
