Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
