i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
