On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
