she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize