My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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