based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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