These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
