i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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