I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
