U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
