I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
