Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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