is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
