Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
