do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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