I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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