somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
