it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
