my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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