the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
