So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize