but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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