she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
