I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
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he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
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I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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