if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
