A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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