so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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