The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
