before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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