What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
