I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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