I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
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I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
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Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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