my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
