you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
