I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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